A-STORY: The Christmas Album
After attending a Barbara Streisand concert in Las Vegas, Jose Weinstein decides to make his “being a Christmas-singer” dream come true. Jose figures he will use the resources of the Network in order to make it all happen, and he pulls the team together to help him produce his very first Christmas album: Final Feliz Navidad, followed by a televised ‘Christmas Special’, filled with colorful sweaters, fireplaces and hot cocoa – which will be scheduled to air non-stop during the holidays.
A few issues arise from Weinstein’s plan, however. Issues such as,
- Weinstein can’t sing;
- Weinstein says he’s Jewish, so how can he genuinely record a Christmas album while staying true to his faith?
After ignoring these issues and the numerous red flags pointing to the Christmas album being a bad idea — production begins.
As part of the pre-production, the team comes up with a list of possible collaborators on the project. Names such as Burt Bacharach, Kevin Bacon, Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg are thrown around – however, the person that Weinstein really wants to work with is Jose Feliciano; mainly, because Weinstein wants to destroy remake Feliciano’s Feliz Navidad classic.
The team reaches out and bluntly lies to Jose Feliciano about participating at a “charity event” to save the children in order to get him to show up. Jose Feliciano pulls up to the station (driving himself and crashing everywhere) – gets out of the car and is greeted by random kids paid to act as “needy” children. Jose Feliciano is then directed inside the studio to wait for Weinstein.
Weinstein enters the studio where Jose Feliciano patiently awaits. Weinstein stops and stares at Jose, waiting for him to say something; but, Feliciano doesn’t respond. Weinstein is at odds by this and starts to have a staring contest with him – but after a while, gets frustrated, insults Jose Feliciano and leaves the studio.
Moments later in his office, Weinstein is throwing things around while his team tries to calm him down. He’s upset because Jose Feliciano didn’t ‘acknowledge him’ when he walked into the studio. Weinstein felt that “Jose Feliciano thought he was “too cool and didn’t even bother to take his sunglasses off while indoors. How rude!”
The team tries to explain that Jose Feliciano is blind, however Weinstein is under the impression that the team is agreeing that Jose Feliciano really is “blind to the fact that he’s the one in charge,” and that “Feliciano doesn’t see the damage he’s done to his career.” After several attempts at explaining that Jose Feliciano is actually physically blind, Weinstein ‘gets it’ and feels horrible about insulting him.
Weinstein runs outside and catches up to Jose who by this point has stormed out in complete confusion. He apologizes for the misunderstanding and for being so intolerant. He promises to ‘make it up’ to Feliciano by joining him in solidarity. Weinstein declares himself ‘Blind for a Day’ and will attempt to live his life as a blind man all day in order to learn his lesson and to bring awareness to the lack of compassion around people who suffer from blindness. After Feliciano explains that he forgives him and that he doesn’t need to be Blind for a Day because he’s willing to work with him, regardless – Weinstein insists they become ‘Blind Brothers’, and pulls out a set of dark glasses and a blind cane and proceeds to be blind.
Later, during production with Feliciano, Weinstein yells at everyone because “they don’t understand their blind struggle.” But after HR is bombarded with complaints that Weinstein has been fondling women in the building using the excuse that he “doesn’t know what he’s touching because he’s blind” – the legal team decides to pull the plug on Weinstein’s ‘Blind for a Day’ shenanigans.
Finally, they wrap production of the Final Feliz Navidad song and they’re ready to record their musical performance for the camera. After arguing with Jose Feliciano about “who will be playing the guitar” – they decide that Feliciano will be the one playing it, due to the simple fact that Weinstein doesn’t know how to play the guitar.
After they record their performance for the Christmas Special, Feliciano admits that he’s “never met anyone like Weinstein” and that he’s glad he did. They exchange a hug, and Feliciano gets in his car and drives away destroying everything in his path.
During the credits, we see part of the actual ‘Christmas Special’ presentation with Weinstein and Jose Feliciano drinking hot cocoa by the fireplace wearing colorful wool sweaters and Santa Clause hats.
B-STORY: “Shit Happens”
When the Guatemalan Cleaning Lady decides to buy a cheaper brand of cleaning product so that she can pocket the difference, the product ends up smelling like shit (literally). However, once she figures it out, it’s too late because she’s already cleaned the entire building using that product! People in the building can’t stand the smell – but… they don’t know where the smell is coming from, so they begin blaming each other. A meeting is held about employee hygiene.